Wednesday, January 13, 2010, 12:11 AM
\nProblem with living in a godless universe is there\u2019s nobody to pray to, to wish for a year without calamity. Back from first Second Tuesday of the yr I’ve been able to attend and I come home to find that my bestest littlee laptop pal, my Buddy Bear has been killed by a car, a mile from our house. All gates closed; lightning, thunder and rain and somehow he did what he\u2019s never done beefore and now he\u2019s gone. Judy broke down and cried and cried when I met her at the vet. Serena\u2019s new doggy got killed by a coyote on new years day so there\u2019s grief to spread around. Shit shit shit.
\nUpset stomach; haven\u2019t taken my pills, Jasper wants to play ball, computer\u2019s on the fritz, I\u2019m broke, Judy\u2019s broke, no prospects. Have some workshop distractions that need doing; sort of a blessing I suppose.
\nHe was such a good boy: no faults at all. We expected Nani or Maple or Shadow would be the next to go; it\u2019s never the one you think it will be. No fair; no fair at all. No more Second Tuesdays; it’s too far and I\u2019m not leaving the nest for long, for a long time.
\nJudy\u2019s got a real broken heart; so do I but as usual the tears are gone. Like Conan I\u2019ve got to have someone else shed my tears it seems. No rain now of course. Shit.
\nPosted news to twitter and faceebook then signed off. Escaping into familiar: solitaire and music on TV. Cluttered mind, empty life. Penance goes on forever..
\nAnimated sacks of meat; I look forward to senility.
\nFeel like I\u2019m circling the drain again. Outlived my dad: that\u2019s a little weird but then he was a hard drinker with a bad temper. Guess I may have another ten yrs but it might be ten minutes. Certainty is an evil thing but I\u2019m fairly certain the universe is godless. Unfortunate it\u2019s not kookless as well.
\nLittle guy lived his whole life with separation anxiety; to die fast a good thing but in fear: very bad thing. He didn\u2019t deserve that.
\nI\u2019m learning to covet oblivion: brain sez not a good thing but the temptation grows..
\nCan\u2019t even win at solitaire tonight.
\nWednesday, January 13, 2010, 11:24 AM
\n\tBad night: bad dreams. Snuggled with Jasper and held hands with J most of night. Judy\u2019s really taking it hard. He was my consolation when Melanie died and now he\u2019s gone too.
\n\tEach doggy death takes a big chunk of happiness with it; I\u2019m just afraid that when they\u2019re all gone we\u2019ll be totally miserable and permanently unhappy. This isn\u2019t a job for the faint of heart and there we are, right in the crosshairs. As Judy says we need a smaller amount to be attached to. I need to stop falling so in love with \u2018em that we don\u2019t stop finding homes for the adoptable ones.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Wednesday, January 13, 2010, 12:11 AM Problem with living in a godless universe is there\u2019s nobody to pray to, to wish for a year without calamity. Back from first Second Tuesday of the yr I’ve been able to attend and I come home to find that my bestest littlee laptop pal, my Buddy Bear has […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[44],"class_list":["post-503","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-critters"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.nmpproducts.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/503","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.nmpproducts.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.nmpproducts.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.nmpproducts.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.nmpproducts.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=503"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/www.nmpproducts.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/503\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":506,"href":"http:\/\/www.nmpproducts.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/503\/revisions\/506"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.nmpproducts.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=503"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.nmpproducts.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=503"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.nmpproducts.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=503"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}